@thestorybehindthat5236
I've dated someone who's a narc and another who's autistic. Intent was the key difference. I could explain to the Narc when something upset me and he'd go do more of it and boast about it. Autstic guy wouldn't realize and then listen and understand and even share what was going on on their side. We reached an understanding and would be mindful of one anothers needs.
@mind_palace
Being called a narcissist by an narcissist, as an autistic adult, we all needed to hear this.
@Brian-qg9bm
Autism does not require manipulation in order to exist. There is no pathological need for praise. Autism does not require others to cease to be themselves.
@Stormbrise
Not to mention we are also scapegoated by Narcissists on a regular basis.
@gpjones1986
When i first met my partner he disclosed to me in an early conversation he has been told he has psychopathaic and narcassistic traits from others and he believed he was an undiagnosed psychopath. He often questioned if he had ASPD or NPD. as a mental health nurse of over a decade at the time i was curious and none judgemental... after a bit of time it was so obvious to me he was autistic (ive specialised in neurodiversity all my career) and in fact he did feel empathy etc, just didnt show it in an "atypical" way, he wasnt "arrogant" he just challenged misinformation and misjudged his tone...and enjoyed fact sharing amongst other things. But i waited for an appropriate time to raise my observation. In a discussion about my family (my brother has asd) he said "i think i have the odd autistic trait" at this point i involuntarily laughed, and i gently advised him he was certain he was autistic and all the reasons he thought he was a narcassist/psychopath were just autustic traits misinterpretated by others. And thus commenced a journey with the two of us as a couple. A journey of acceptance, developing insight, education, reflection and support, and feeling safe in unmasking. He later (3years later) sought an asd assessment and scored highly on his assessment for autism and received his formal diagnosis at aged 41. Honestly his self esteem and self acceptance has sky rocketed, his insight is great and hes comfortable in advising others he has asd asking others for clarity on social interactions and giving people context to any social awkwardness which have made them less stressful for him because he can be his authentic self. Honesty its been beautiful seeing him grow on this journey, and im so proud of him... but it saddens me to think he spent the majority of his adult life until the age of 38 when he met me believing he was a narcassist with psychopath traits. This man is kind, empathetic, loyal, wonderfully eccentric, focused on his passions, highly intelligent, affectionate and thoughtful. He just shows it in his own unique ways. We've been togeather 5 years, he will be 43 years old next month. I love this man so much. ❤️
@caitlynhays720
I can pay much more attention to people without eye contact. Eye contact makes me focus 100% on the eye contact. Is this okay? Isn't it too much? Am I not being creepy right now? How many times am I supposed to look away? There's so much to regulate that I CANNOT at the same time devote all my attention to what is being said.
@kbailey3238
I had an AuDHD friend ask me if I thought she was a Narcissist. I honestly didn't know as she is fairly self obsessed and empathy seems low. Having just come out of a long term narcissistic friendship (being on meds for ADHD has seriously cleared up my thinking process) the difference to me is crystal clear. My AuDHD friend is in her own head but has never been malicious and suffers from a high level of anxiety. With the friendship i came out of she was constantly gaslighting me, putting me down, nit picking and causing me to doubt my self worth. On the surface level NPD/ ASD may have similarities but when you get down to the nitty gritty they are polar opposites. Sending this video to my AuDHD friend, she'll be fascinated!
@ariellev9185
My brother has autism and a learning disability. When he was younger, he was extremely sensitive and would cry over everything. One time he saw a fat person on TV who died and he cried because our sibling was fat and he was afraid to lose to them. That’s empathy lol That being said… unfortunately, it’s a nature vs nurture thing… and my family is all kinds of messed up. So he’s extremely self-centered now :( but I’ll never forget that he wasn’t always that way. It was learned.
@akaymac1
I have actually had a relationship with someone who is on the spectrum and also is a narcissist. It's a VERY interesting combination. I'd say he was one of the vulnerable/covert types. Because of his autism, he lacked the "social smoothness" that many narcissists have and his socialization was/is rather clunky and hasn't given him many friends. But, boy oh boy, did he really treat people (including me) like objects for whatever use he saw fit. If you didn't do what he wanted, he'd just toss you out like an old appliance and then when he lost supply, he'd try to worm his way back in. It's kind of a dangerous combo because for people with AuDHD (newly diagnosed) like myself, you feel this deep kinship and connection with another neurodivergent person, yet they are actually very different and actually don't have empathy at all. It's wild and something I'm still recovering from. I think this video was very helpful and coming back to the key difference - narcissists lack empathy and that truly distinguishes them. Having seen both, I can attest to this.
@mind_palace
Pro tip when dealing with narcissistic parents/people: Record those conversations. Because 1. They won't admit the hurtful things they've said, 2. They will change the scene in their minds to make them seem better, 3. When you're so used to the abuse, and not know what's normal anymore, someone else who you trust(friend/therapist etc ) can listen to it and tell you what's actually going on.
@MillipedeDeerEldergod
As an AuDHDer myself, I find we are quite the opposite of narcissists: we tend to be frank, objective, not playing mind games, and have a strong moral compass. Some of us feel such intense empathy we have to self monitor it to keep from overload, and sometimes that may come off as cool, perhaps, but it is far from being dismissive of others, which is something narcissists are known for. I suppose another factor in some instances, including myself, is the further intricacy of also being a Dissociative Identity, as certain headmates exist for certain reasons, and may perhaps come off as cold or the like, because they happen to be a certain way to cope with a certain stressor.
@edweirdmassey
Great video, I have had both autistic people and NPD people in my life and I completely agree. The person with autism struggled to show empathy but I always knew deep down they cared a lot. The NPD on the other hand could fake empathy but deep down they really had none, zero, nada.
@kirjoy991
My best friend has high level "aspergers" old term I know. He is the most loving, devoted and kind heaeted person who loves with his whole heart. His feelings are out on his sleeve when he opens up. He is refreshing
@ShelbyTaylorRyan
The way you just explained how we can see someone's soul when looking in their eyes and then just trail off.." We don't need that". I never felt sooooo seen, and giggled.
@drrains
Wow. Thank you for this. Especially being labeled as uncaring when i care but feel phony for making my face look like i care.
@Jrpyify
I think the easiest way to tell the difference is that neurodivergent folks get really upset about injustice (unfair or inconsistent outcomes) on behalf of other people, while narcissists only perceive injustice when it effects them personally. My mother and aunt are both on the spectrum but only one of them is cursed with masked/covert NPD, and that's the key difference that I've observed.
@MelanieDPerkins
Side bar: I was in a situation recently, and unsurprisingly, I was experiencing social anxiety. My brain said, "SHYYYY!" and gave me a giggle and the ability to relax a little. Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful videos.
@katielangsner495
Sometimes we chew on ideas, and sometimes ideas seem to chew on us!
@frootusloopus
Idk a narcissist is manipulative whereas somebody with autism is just being honest. We all wish we could lose our filters and call it like it is
@Auticate