@saragates2255
Oooooo this is painfully relatable. I used to think my dad and I were both victims of my narc mother's abuse. Now, I know better. And, just like she said, it's still a painful subject for me bc HE could have ended EVERYTHING she did. In fact, he was the only one with the power to do that. Us kids were helpless. But he chose to stay and be silent. It's a failure on a whole new level, bc while she lives in a fantasy he was semi normal and watched it all unfold and did nothing. The only thing required for evil to prevail is for good men to do NOTHING.
@CaptainIrelandGaming
This interview was captivating. This is the first time I have ever listened to a full hour video around the house. Every abusive system is a little bit different but so so similar. The one parent that is abusive and the other that facilitates the abuse, enables it. The one that keeps everyone in it and claims to be a victim.
@HomeFromFarAway
This interview was amazing! the borderline parent is an incredible wound that is not discussed enough
@Kay-Rayzie
Can relate to the "underground kinship" dynamic. The scapegoats of my family (plural because the abuser was always changing it up between us) secretly referred to ourselves as "The Rebellion"
@thenadie8
This is my story. The thing that burns and the betrayal ofthat "kinship" is that he never tried to save ME. He commiserated the abuse and left me feeling like no one would ever stand up for me. It was another kind of abuse and definitely emotionally incestuous. I love him but I've awoken from the childish dream that he was ever on my side.
@billydiaz7280
It's so hard when you get to the point where saving them means killing your soul, and even body. I couldn't believe I was having to choose. I just wanted her to come with me. I'm glad I chose to save myself and my own sons, but it was so painful that sometimes I wish I just stayed in the dark.
@oliviamoves
its also painful to loose other family members as collateral damage. having to cut off an entire system to hold your boundaries with the bad eggs is sometimes necessary and can leave someone completely devastated. the ripples of the abuse can seem endless and overwhelming at times.
@bohemianspirit7571
I remember a horrible midnight when I realized I had to "save" my father from himself , from threatening to kill my sister and realising that I was under threat too. I had to leave to save my soul and body but it was heartbreaking. Still is.
@DJ-sv7xf
I traded saving my family for trying to rescue my siblings' mental health. Now I understand we all have different healing timelines/paths/goals but I spent 70 years and a ton of mental anguish on these stupid projects. Only my brother came along for part of it.
@kayhansen9229
Sometimes I can never make sense of the shorts, but I can relate to having a wicked mother and a passive father that's for sure but she was a borderline and I was the eldest daughter scapegoat.
@CocoTheDiamond
wow i so relate to that. so much. it's so good to hear im not the only one doing this. trying to save them when they don't want to be saved.
@LindsayLoo-q5d
It’s so hard to work with the emotions which accompany the discovery that I’ve been trying to save my whole family of origin for my whole life. Now I’m in my 50s and they are aging rapidly, and 1 of 4 members already passed. And I’m finally grasping that I cannot save them, but also that they do not want me to save them.
@Луноцвет
I had kinship with my father and brother over mom's abusive behavior. But now they've switched allegiance and it's a double wounding for me.
@AudreyJulian-u1o
Both of my parents were abusers, but my dad showed me a little kindness once in a while. He died in 2019 and I’ve had no support to work through the complicated grief. I still feel sad for him and cry, and even guilty. Now I see that this is what I carried as a child. Loving him was (and is) painful. I don’t have a lot of love left for my mom, who is 84. She has betrayed me over and over. I can’t afford to let myself feel much about her and dread her death. She is a horrible person that I am NC with for about two weeks.
@ilikeitlikethat7305
Ugh I hadn’t thought of it this way but I definitely felt my parents were victims of poverty and I tried to save them in so many ways as a child. Not financially but I definitely felt this “I have to save them” energy.
@valerie4912
Yup yup!! Becoming the surrogate wife to protect my dad. Still working on that
@jamieellohengee2667
Off topic, but I love the punk rock/rock and roll hairstyle you've been wearing. I think it's super cool!
@annem7926
Thank you for this. My Dad is currently drinking himself to death, like my Mom did 5 years ago, and I’m setting boundaries for myself to prevent me trying to save him like
@sayusayme7729
Thank you, I’m unraveling my life. It’s been an absolute nightmare. Starting EMDR soon. Disengaged long ago without any answers because no one knew anything or talked about any of it. Like it never happened. At 64, I’m so grateful to read the comments and know we have survived together somehow. Sending love to all of us.
@Cherrychiquitita