@knit1purl1
My elderly stepfather stated "we both" when mentioning how we were victims of abuse from my borderline mother. I'm over 60 and let him know we didn't start from an even playing field. I was six, he was mid 30's when he married her. He could have left her. I could not. I had no, no, no power or resiliency. Took me so many years to process all this sh**.
@christyrodarte1158
My brother didn't get away from my family like I did, and he's now dead from a drug overdose. I've been grieving for him. I'm glad you mentioned these other stories of deceased siblings who never got away because now I know I'm not alone.
@yourworstfan
Really got me when she said that her mother never even bothered with the fake apology. In a way, I think that helps. When you get to the point where you realize that what's happening is wrong and it's not your fault, but the other person will never even consider owning any fault, that can be the cold water in your face that you need to fully wake up from the dream of a happy or even peaceful family life.
@Flower4229
When I finally worked up enough courage to tell my mom that she hurt my feelings, she iced me out “to process”. Days later, my dad called me and said he just doesn’t understand it. My mom’s been crying all night and neither of them have slept. “When you throw a bomb, it doesn’t just affect the person it hits, it affects everyone around them” literally equating my feelings to a bomb. I told him he has unqualified to give me advice and that he was gaslighting and they’re both abusive. Felt good
@loveverb423
Presently battling the inner critic telling me no one cares about my thoughts on this video despite Patrick literally asking for feedback. This shiz is so deeply ingrained.
@djwater02
Thank you both. Very meaningful discussion. Let's take a moment to celebrate all of us that had to go through hell yet still manage to love and help people.
@saivitewilson141
For those who never experienced being a tool for a narcissistic parents needs, having the actual space to develop as a person, is an invaluable experience. When I started this work, I really recognized many aspects of self that were so arrested in development because those aspects were threatening and not useful for my parents.
@MaryWallace-wv2bn
I’m 60 and I’m still that child but, I’m now the best part of that child in going no contact with a mother and siblings that shun me. Thank you both! 🥰
@sharongeorge541
Your guest Orenda and yourself have been such a help. I am almost 75 years old and facing how toxic my situation is. I was the scapegoat and I am one of the people who are codependent in the fawn response.?
@UGLIist
Something just hit so hard. My mother was convincing me for so many years that she was unable to survive without me. Like I was the one, the saviour, the chosen I'm in my 30s and still anxious about going anywhere or doing anything without someone knowing about it, so rigurous was the 'worry' and control over what 'saviour' is doing every second of her day But in the end, look at her: two years of not speaking to me, and she's still alive somehow, doing nothing, living under bombs (by her own choice), and regularly drunk. Nothing changed. And look at me: I'm in Wales on vacation on my own hiking and running all around mountains all alone, talking to my therapist, cooking good food, watching the rain fall on the most beautiful harbour I've ever seen and laughing at seagulls being jerks I still feel that 'no contact' is a hard thing to do, but it's the best indicator of who was doing what to whom and who held whom back Even if I am still sad and have a ton of issues I need to process, I'm doing it. I'm fighting for myself, and she simply doesn't. And she never will. Because sitting on her arse, living in fantasy, is how she wants it to be. I'm not even a part, I'm just a collateral of this worldview
@anjakersten
What a wonderful interview! Thank you so much! 🙏❤️
@SuperBlakes2
So hopeful to hear people like you two. You've made it through. Going no contact with family is so much harder than i thought.❤ Love to every soul that is inflicted with so much hurt, as a small innocent, beautiful child.
@joannapowell3579
This episode was so interesting! I had been put off a while by the title, but listened to it tonight and thought she was great. Now I want to read the book too! Thanks Patrick
@beitgorski7296
Definitely getting this book immediately and deeply appreciating hearing a relatable perspective re: religious abuse from a BPD mom (that is a specific flavor of experience lol). It was hard to hear hurtful misrepresentations go unaddressed (DID is not a psychotic experience and pagan religions are just as valid and helpful as any other faith.) The stigma around both of these experiences deepens the damage from misinformation and I wish y'all had clarified some these things. Thanks for hearing me out and thanks for having this great conversation, can't wait to get into this book more!
@Jerseystructureunderboss
Two beautiful souls ❤ Thank you for your vulnerability. I was surprised to hear Patrick’s mom is still alive. If you are reading this, we are with you, Patrick. We hurt just look you did. Thank you so much for what you do.
@wiser1254
I resonate totally with this My mother was an extreme right wing fundamentalist nationalist. My father was a warm hearted go-along for peace. I would appeal to him for support from my mother’s strict abuse, and he would always defer to her. Led me to years of abusive relationships. After my first divorce, my mother didn’t speak to me for two years and wouldn’t allow my father to speak to me either. They are big one now, and I am incapable of having a good, loving relationship. And I don’t care. Being alone feels like my comfort zone! Thank you for your videos, Patrick. I’m 79, and they are still very helpful to me in unraveling my childhood trauma, even though it is more religious abuse than those related to alcohol abuse.
@OhPleaseMary
Fantastic discussion - I'm going to get her book! It feels validating to hear a story so similar to my own. I 'awakened' far later in life and for those who say, "Why bother at this late stage?", I offer this: Awakening is not easy, but wow - it's amazing to see clearly for the first time in my life, like Lasic eye surgery for the SOUL!
@willaminasmother5690
At 745pm on a Tuesday I got a call from a nurse. My no contact mother was ill and the nurse was asking for my collaboration and consent to transfer her to a higher level of care. I calmly explained that we are estranged and I am not her mdpoa. Gut wrenching. Very proud of myself.
@TibiSum
I stopped the video early to note that locating personality pathology in a cerebral way is hands down one of the best things I did for myself. It helped me see the fleas I had picked up in my home and differentiate toxic behavior I exhibited from me, survivor. I could adjust how I reacted to things. Also, I believe that acute personality pathology (never fleas), is early soul death. The personality dies in early childhood, because it starves to death while in exile. I feel for both my parents, who display sadistic tendencies along with other toxic behaviors. They forced me to commit a kind of self death on repeat. They were unsuccessful because there is something in me that resisted. I'm lucky there was this innate resistance. Most of the people I ended up around are dead. My parents threw me to the street, so, yeah. I believe that intellectualizing recovery has a place. I now help other people understand what happened. It helps
@patrickteahanofficial